Any fan of the show Arrested Development knows that narrowing down the funniest Tobias Funke quotes to a mere ten is a major challenge. Tobias is arguably the funniest character on the show, and usually has four or five hilarious lines per episode. I’m sure there will be those who want to smack me upside the head for missing some obvious ones, but the ones I went with are pretty damn funny. Most are from the original three seasons, but I did add in one from the newly release season four. Here are my picks:

10 – Tobias: I’m afraid I just blue myself

9 – Tobias (in a Fantastic Four Thing costume): Is there a little girl here all by herself? Daddy needs to get his rocks off.

8 – Tobias to George Michael: I will pack your sweet, pink mouth with so much ice cream you’ll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block.

7 – Tobias: Oh, come on. Don’t leave your uncle T-Bag hanging!

George Michael: Please don’t call yourself that.

6 – Tobias: I can already taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth.

5 – Tobias: Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

4 – Tobias: Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

3 – Tobias: Okay Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and therapist; the world’s first analrapist. 

Lindsay: Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards.

2 – Tobias: I’m afraid I’ve prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.

Michael: There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

1 – Tobias (as Mrs. Featherbottom): Okay, who’d like a banger in the mouth? Oh right, I forgot, here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth.

Michael: We just call it a sausage.


There you go, the ten funniest Tobias Funke quotes (according to me.) Got some of your own favorite Tobiasisms? Please share them in comments below.