Yesterday, I indulged my love of the show Arrested Development by putting together a top 10 list of the funniest Tobias Funke quotes. I figured I’d keep with the theme today and show my second favorite Arrested Development character – family matriarch Lucille Bluth – some love by giving her a list of her own. Jessica Walter is brilliant in the role, and like the rest of the cast really nails the delivery of every one of her acerbic lines. Here are the best of her many great quotes:
10 – Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.
9 – Lucille: Buster! Stop playing with mother’s rape horn. Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael, because you took away my mace.
Buster: Yeah, like anyone would want to “R” her.
8 – Lucille: Everyone is riding, and laughing, and cornholing except Buster!
7 – Lucille: I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.
6 – Lucille: Oh, hello Buster. Here’s a candy bar. No, I’m withholding it. Look at me, getting off.
5 – Lucille (to waiter bringing her a glass of wine): No! Take it back! If I wanted something your thumb touched I’d eat the inside of your ear!
4 – Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it’s breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.
3 – Lucille: I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?
Michael: You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?
2 – Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to… set myself on fire!
1 – Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did “nothing” cancel?